The year 2012
Finding ways to love myself after the divorce was not easy. The foundation of our blended family started well before I met my husband, Frank, in 2014. 2012 was probably one of the most challenging times I had to go through. I still remember it as if it was yesterday. Heartbroken and inconsolable, I found myself in one of my closest friends’ arms, Diane. I had just learned that the father of my children had been having an affair for the past several years. At that time, my children were 5 and 3 years old.
Since I did not want to upset or disturb the people around me, including my children, I kept it a secret. I hoped there might still be a chance to fix our broken relationship for the love of our children. So every morning, I wore a happy face mask for the whole world to see, and every evening when I got home, I cried in the shower to hide my pain from my children’s eyes.
Healing Journey
I never planned on becoming a divorced single Mom. My wish had always been to be a part of a very ordinary and close-knit family nucleus for my children to grow up in. But unfortunately, the day I discovered a hidden credit card and cell phone, I understood that things would never get any better. The betrayal was too heavy for me to handle, and I could no longer pretend, so It was finally time to let go and leave.
For several months, I blamed myself for not having tried harder until a close friend suggested I read Dr. Sue Johnson’s book “Hold me Tight.” That is when I finally started my healing journey. I finally understood what a healthy and loving relationship should be, which was far from what I lived in my previous marriage. Eventually, I forgave myself to move forward to a better life for myself and my children. This book became my very guide and my inspiration to create what I call The List. It is meant to remind me never to settle for less.
My list
The list has three categories (Yes, I still have it) of things I want, I would like to have, and the things I don’t want in a relationship:
-What I want: These are my true values and everything important to me. These are the things that I will never settle for less. One of many is to share my life with someone loyal who will transform me into a better version of myself.
What’s nice to have: These are what I would like to have but are not a must-have: an example; a partner who openly talks and shares his deep feeling. I know emotions can also be demonstrated with actions.
-What I don’t want: This is the last category, but not the least important one. These are the things that I absolutely don’t want in a relationship. “The opposite of love is not hated but indifferent,” quoted by Elie Wiesel, a Holocaust survivor. I will never accept being ignored again. I’m enough!
Relationships, in general, are not easy and can get complicated, especially when you blend two families to become one. But, today, I believe that my list clarified what is truly important to me. But, having that said, it helped us build an excellent foundation for our ongoing blended family. And to let go of the less important things within any genuine relationship and my life.
The beginning of our Blended Family
During the last few months of 2013, I was finally happy again, and the boys were doing great too. I clearly remember telling my co-workers that I would not share my life with anyone other than my children. Unless that person can make me even happier than I was at that moment. Honestly, I didn’t think it was possible …
… This brings us to the day I met Frank!
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