Tips on handling the challenges of blended families or single parents this holiday season
For many, the holidays are an exciting time of the year, with family reunions, friends gatherings, and making beautiful memories. For some blended families, stepparents and single parents, it can be more of a headache, stressful or depressing time. Holidays can create challenges living as a non-traditional family. Between co-parenting, scheduling family suppers, pick-up time, dealing with tired children and potentially not spending Christmas morning with your kids, it can be hard to look forward to the upcoming Holiday season. I’m a Mom and Stepmom, and let me share my tips on how to best enjoy the holidays for blended families.
5 tips on How to have a Jolly Holidays for Blended Families
Tip 1
Be proactive and schedule
The most important tip I can give you is to schedule how you and your ex will handle the holidays in advance. This can and should be included in your separation agreement. Today you might be getting along well with your ex, and there is no need for a clear written schedule. However, having a holiday schedule plan will help prevent disagreements and misunderstandings in the future.
In our agreements, the kids are with us on Christmas morning one year and with their other parents the following year. We switch every year. This also makes it easier for our extended family, as they can schedule family suppers well in advance. We even have the pick-up and drop-off times established year after year.
Having a schedule creates a routine and reduces the children’s stress. They know precisely when and where they will be each year.
In the first year, Frank and his ex-wife celebrated Christmas together after they were separated because none of them had any other partner. After I came into the picture, it became difficult since we were adding many new people during the holiday seasons, such as my parents, cousins, uncle and aunt, etc. Hence, the schedule agreement became very useful.
Tip 2
Be flexible and don’t over-scheduled
First, even though you are proactive and organized, there is always a chance things will not go as planned, so be ready to be flexible. The Children may come home more tired than usual, and you may have to reschedule or postpone certain activities. Making time for the children to rest and having fewer activities scheduled gives you a better chance to enjoy the more important activities. Sometimes, less is more! Like my husband would say: “Don’t Sweat the small stuff.”
Secondly, focus more on making memories with the children than the actual calendar date if they are not with you on Christmas morning. The kids will not remember the date; they will remember the memories and how you made them feel. So, celebrating a week before or a day after when you have no control over the living arrangement doesn’t need to be an essential factor for a non-traditional family.
Tips 3
Stay busy
If you are spending the holidays alone, make plans with friends or plan a self-care day. When I was a single Mom, I used to look forward to my day alone, even during the holiday. Not because I didn’t like spending time with my kids or because I didn’t miss them. On the contrary, I missed them tremendously. However, I knew I couldn’t control or change the fact that they were away and needed to spend time with their other family. I looked at the situation positively and knew if I took care of myself, I would be a much better mother to the kids.
For example, one activity was picking up my favourite wine and cheese for the night to enjoy while watching my favourite tv show.
Tip 4
Create new traditions
Whether you are a newly single parent or a blended family, create new traditions for your new family. Traditions are activities you will do together and repeat every year. It can be as simple as baking cookies and decorating them together or taking a leisurely walk with a hot chocolate while admiring the Holiday lights.
Studies show that there are so many benefits to having traditions. Here are a few :
- It helps create and maintain a bond with your family;
- Creates memories for years to come;
- Reinforces family values;
- Provides a source of identity;
- Makes time to connect with each family member.
Let me share a few ideas of the traditions my husband and I have created for our blended family of 6.
Every year, our 4 boys look forward to these activities:
- All 6 of us always decorate our Christmas tree while drinking hot cocoa and listening to funny Christmas music.
- We buy one tree ornament each year that reminds us of a family activity we all loved that year.
- We decorate sugar cookies with my parents.
Tips 5
Be understanding with your children
The Holidays can also be difficult for children of separated parents. It may look like they are acting up or want to ruin the holiday at times, but it is essential to understand their perspective.
First, they will always miss one parent, which may be more difficult during the holidays. When they are with one parent, they wish to be with the other and vice versa.
Secondly, they must switch home more often to go to family and friend gatherings and may get quite tired. When we are tired, we can get cranky and lose patience more quickly.
Finally, be calm and compassionate during this difficult time.
Final thoughts
The first holiday without our children can be pretty tough. Managing the challenges that come with a non-traditional family is one demanding task. Traditions and holidays are meant to be spent with those you love. I hope my 5 tips on how to best enjoy the Holidays for Blended Families will help you create some wonderful new memories. Do you have any traditions to share with our community? Check out my post on how to help children of separated parents transition between homes.
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