When is the right time
Are you looking for tips on how to create the perfect meeting between the children in your new blended family? Then, you came to the right place. Over a little more than a month after Frank and I met, we both decided it was time the four boys met each other. Was it a little too early? Looking back now, it might have been. But, knowing what I know now, we should have waited a little longer. Frank and I already knew that we were in it for the long-term, but I think the boys might not have yet grieved the end of their parent’s relationship.
The 5 step of grieving the end of their parents relationship
Both our previous relationships were well over before we left our homes. Unfortunately, it had only ended six months prior when I decided to leave for my children. The same goes for Frank’s children, as they all lived in the same house for close to a year throughout their separation before they moved away. This had occurred about eight months before we met.
Looking back, I realize how crucial this first meeting was. To give your children the best chance to bond and eventually feel a sense of attachment with your new partner, only introduce them to the other family members once you are confident that this new relationship will last. Make sure both partners are ready for this steppingstone.
Divorce is one of the hardest life events for an adult to go through; I cannot imagine its impact on all the children involved. Like us, children will also go through a grieving cycle of their own. You probably have already heard of the five steps within the grieving cycle: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is a unique journey for everyone, and there is no precise formula and timeline. Knowing this, you can help your children cope during their grieving process so they can move forward healthily. For example, meeting new people who might become future family members should be done after reaching the last step, acceptance. This will put forth the best chance for a smooth start for your blended family.
There is no exact timeline for determining the right time to introduce the two families. You know your children the best, and if you have the child’s best interest in mind, there is no wrong or right time.
Where is the right place
We decided to choose a neutral and safe place for the four boys to meet. Frank and I wanted an informal place, somewhere they could talk a little or remain quiet if they wished. We did not want the meeting to last all day, so we chose a place all of them liked while considering their ages and interests differences. We ended up taking them to the movie theatre. All 4 of them wanted to see the movie playing that day. I was a little nervous and could not even remember the movie’s name we saw.
At the main entrance, I met Frank and his children, Xavier and Jacob, and they were introduced to Benjamin and Nicholas. They hadn’t talked to each other much that day, but overall, it went well. We did not have any expectations, and I think it helped us not be disappointed. We all know that we don’t love someone momently. It takes time to learn to know someone.
Activities for the first meeting
Here is a list of places I think are great for creating the perfect meeting between the children depending on the kids’ interests and ages. The important part is to choose a place ALL of them will love. This will give a positive start to this new Journey.
-The park
-Skating rink
-Pottery/Craft café
-Outdoor Music Festival
-Kayak/water boat
-Go-Karts
-Ice cream shop
You can follow us through our ongoing Journey for more ideas under Activities in our menu. And please share your ideas. We love hearing from you.
Follow us on our journey as a blended family of 6.
I’ve never experienced something like this, however, I can see how important this first meeting is for the kids. Excellent advice.
Thank you Cindy 🤗
I can just imagine how important that first meeting is! I think I would have waited a little longer as well, just because I am more of a cautious go slow kinda person. Looks like it all went well in the end, however!
Cautious. Slow and patient is probably the best combination to succeed 🤗
Great advice, about waiting until things are solid before introducing the kids to a potentially serious partner.
You don’t mention their ages; I imagine it’s much more difficult with teens or pre-teens.
It was more difficult for Xavier who was the oldest of the 4. He was 10 when we all met each other.
What great ideas!!! I love it!
Thank you Melissa!
It is hard on children and combining families together can be a delicate matter. You both handled it great! Good job, and I’m happy that you both have found joy and happiness together.
I’ve never really thought about the kids meeting for the first time in a blended family. I think this post explains perfectly the right way to do it. There is definitely a right time and place!
Thank you Catherine.
This is great advice for those blending families into one family! I’m sure it is not an easy task!
Thank Barbra. Glad you like them.
Great suggestions. I can’t imagine what it must be like to meet new kids that will become family.
These are big steps in the kids life and needs our attention to make sure we do it the right way 🤗
Thank you for sharing this important, and great information!
Glad you like it Lisa! Thank you!
This is so important! Divorce is really challenging for kids and taking that next step of introducing them to a new family needs to be done the right way to ensure a smooth transition.
Yes absolutely. Planning each step is the key 🤗
This was a great article. It’s so important to help children ease into new situations the best way possible. Hope the journey is going well.
We are into our 8 years as a blended family. We had some rough patches, but we’ve learn so much from each other.
Thanks for sharing your family and such awesome pointers. This is very much appreciated!
Thank you 🤗
This was such a difficult journey for your boys, but it seems that you’ve worked so hard to lighten their load. I love your suggestions on fun activities for a first meeting. This is an important topic for so many.
Thanks Erin. We did a lot of planning to make sure things go smoothly.
Great ideas for such a challenging situation. I hope a lot of families find this helpful!
Thanks Stephanie!
Awesome advice! I can see how the first meeting could go south easily if you don’t choose a neutral ground.
Neutral ground plays such an important part for a successful first met.