How To Make A Successful Back-to-School for Blended Families!

When summer comes to an end, we slowly start thinking about back to school. As much as our family and I enjoy vacation time, family reunions and late-night socializing, most of us are ready to get back into the everyday routine. No matter the age, getting children prepared for back to school can be challenging on its own. It can get even more stressful in a non-traditional family. I am a mother of 2 boys and a Step-Mom of 2 boys. All of our children are between the ages of 12 and 17 years old. In our blended family of 6, we encounter unique challenges every year when the boys return to school. Over time we have learnt positive strategies on how to plan back to school for Blended families successfully

The best tip to succeed is to be PROACTIVE. Here are the ABCs that will help you on your way to a successful back-to-school year.

Back to school’s ABCs

A – All about Compassion

Back to school can be bittersweet for some children as they can’t wait to see their friends again, but at the same time, they might see less of one of their parents. Children might be more irritable and angry than usual. Remember that behind anger, most of the time, there is sadness and anxiety.  Younger children might not verbalize their sadness or fears, so try to understand what is behind their anger and comfort them.

For us, all our children see both parents with the same frequency year-round. But that is not the case for all blended families. Some leave for the entire summer to stay with one parent, and some others share weeks of vacation with one parent and then the other. There are so many different scenarios and arrangements possible. It can take up to 4 weeks to get into new habits and routines. Therefore be compassionate as they try to adjust to the new normal once again.

B – Back-to-school routines

No one copes well when they are tired or hungry. To help your child adjust better, start the back-to-school routines slowly, at least a week before the first day of school if possible. Let’s look more in detail at how to create positive routines.

Healthy Sleeping habit

A healthy sleeping habit is so important for all of us. There are endless benefits when a child gets a good night’s sleep. They are more creative, have more energy and are more capable of making positive decisions.

The Canadian Paediatric Society recommends 9-12 hours of sleep over 24 hours for children 6-12 years old and 8-10 hours for 14-18 years old. These are only recommendations; however, no one knows your child better than you. Choose a bedtime that is best for your child’s benefit.

For us, Nicholas (13 years old) needs at least 10 hours of sleep to function better during the day. We start his bedtime routine at 8h40. He reads for 20 minutes, and we hope that he is asleep by 9:15-9:30. The other three boys (15-18 years old) are in their room by 10:00, and we hope they are sleeping by 10:30.

Healthy meals and snacks

Life is always moving at a fast pace. The best way for us to eat healthier is to plan weekly. On Saturdays, we decide every supper and lunch for the week. On Sundays, we pick up the groceries and only buy what we need for that week. When we plan, we save so much money on groceries and throw out less food. Healthier food gives us all the nutrition we need for our bodies to function adequately.

Plan time for homework and activities

Children love to know what to expect during the day. Block some time off on the calendar for these. Nicholas works better right after school to finish his homework, and the other three boys wait after supper.  

These healthy routines are a significant first step toward a smooth return to school.

C – Communication is the key

Communication can be difficult even when the two primary parent lives under the same roof. For divorced parents and blended families, communication gets even more complicated. Try scheduling school activities, providing homework consistency between houses and the logistic of travelling back and forth from one home to another. When the two parents already have trouble communicating, these challenges can become magnified. During the school year, increasing communication is the key to success.  If regular face-to-face communication is an issue, try to find tools that work for your family. Here are a few tools that can help any family.

Inform the teacher about your family situation

Be proactive and meet with the teacher right at the beginning of the school year. Tell them about your family situation and tell them if your child has any stepparents, other brothers or sisters, which week they are with you and vice versa. It will reduce the confusion resulting from the teacher trying to figure out the child’s family dynamic and who to contact on any given day of the week.

Give both parents contact information

If both parents are involved in the child’s education, give both emails and contact information. This way, both will be informed about school activities and essential newsletters.  For us, the two parents get all the information, and it is their responsibility to communicate them to their significant other (stepparent). It reduces the burden of one parent passing the message to multiple people involved in their education.

A shared google calendar for all parties can also work well for parents who can co-parent and those who parallel-parent. (Check https://ellasblendedfamily.com/co-parenting/out the difference between cooperative parenting and parallel parenting, so you can find out what parenting style is best for your family.) The calendar is handy, especially for the child involved in many activities or sports.

Final Thoughts

The best approach to successfully planning back to school for blended families is to be proactive. Following each of these ABCs helps us smooth the back-to-school. Communication can be more challenging for blended families if there is a conflict between the parents, so use tools that work in the child’s best interest. Planning and staying compassionate with our children as they get back into their school routine will give you a chance to have a great school year beginning for them and their families.

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